My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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