there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
