He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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