I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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