Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
soo... how was my night?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
