Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
