I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
