Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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