Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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