Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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