so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
