I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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