I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
