you're like a bully in the Christmas story
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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