end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
