I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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