i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
