Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
