I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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