i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's never too late to be topless.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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