my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
