last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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