You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
