we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
