You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
