the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
