How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
