New invention idea: vibrating tampons
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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