Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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