I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
