I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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