We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
