youre lurking in front of me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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