She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
