God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
