we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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