Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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