It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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