look no pants
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
