You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
