exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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