He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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