At least make sure they are 18
Why
I need help removing her.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
