u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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