hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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