So drunk, too bad you don't want this
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
