I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This is my gift to your gina
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
