This house was built for laser tag.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
