My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
