Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
