Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
