dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
