My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
